Date Created: 20 March 2009.

We’ve all been in that situation where our relationship that we thought would last forever and of which we told everybody would “last forever” has ended… dramatically or just horribly. The entire thought process of never being in a relationship again, never being able to move on, the thought of begging for them back, your desperation to do anything to get back with that ’special’ person and the constant denial of forgetting about them. Yes, we have all been in that place and it really is a horrible place to be. However, despite this, it will teach you so much about yourself and it will make you a lot stronger – trust me, I’ve been there!

Okay, there is loads of stuff on the Internet about ‘how to get over an ex’ or how to ‘move on’ but not all of it works and some of it is just pure baloney! So, this is what worked for me and what I know has worked for other people. Let’s get started then.

Firstly, you really do need to take them off the pedestal to which you have them placed upon.

They only deserved to be placed upon such a pedestal when you were going out and when they made you happy. Do not idolise them or build them up to be the person that they’re really not. It is pretty obvious that from dumping you they are not that great. This means you really must not gaze at pictures of them or be the first to email or call them and most importantly, do not go out of your way for them: they no longer deserve such preferential treatment! The best way to do this is to pretend to hate them until you feel better… it sounds odd but it really does work.

Secondly, please get closure.

This is really important because you need to end any hopes of you getting back together with them… get it into your head! You, them = no more! Finished. Fini. Finito. Fertig. Terminado. Get the point? If you cannot accept this then they really need to tell you! It will hurt like hell but the truth really does hurt. I was never told, “I never loved you. I don’t love you now. We’ll never get back together.” but if I had, that would have hurt so badly… so, save yourself the heartbreak. But, sometimes, such pain is the only way to move forward funnily enough. If you contact them a few times then you’ll probably get the latter – it will allow you to heal.

Thirdly, do not contact them whatever you do.

You really do need to break off contact! It is what made my process of healing so much better as I was in a distanced relationship anyway. If you don’t break off contact then it will just drive you mad and it will just upset you further (which I have found out from watching friends). Whatever you do, don’t beg them or cry in front of them. Do not do a drunken call or write them an email or send packages etc. If they want you, or want to contact you, then they will find you easily enough. Be aware that if you can talk yourself back into them loving you, it will only be temporary as things end for a reason. Just remember that.

Fourthly, write down your feelings.

Write them a letter where you pour out all of your negative feelings. You then must disassociate them from yourself by either throwing the letter away or burning it. Personally, I got more pleasure and satisfaction by burning my letter but either way works. Just, whatever you do, do not send it to them! You will regret it if you do as they’ll show it to their friends or their new partner and they will make a good laugh out of it. Is that what you want? I think not!

Fifthly, avoid them and their friends.

This is important because you won’t be welcome in their ‘territory’ as it were. It will help to find new places to hang out for the first few months or so and this will allow you to make new friends who will help take your mind of them for a little bit. If some of your friends insist on maintaining contact with your ex (and stupid friends at that!) then you may have to avoid them for a little while as well. When some time has passed you by, you should go back to living how you used to and this will mean hanging out at the places you used to and reconnecting with mutual/ old friends of yours and maybe even theirs if you’re ready for that.

Sixthly, throw away anything that acts as a remembrance tool.

I found this the hardest part because my ex made me a lot of things and sent me a lot of things as well. Now, you don’t have to burn it all. However, I’d recommend getting rid of photos, gifts, letters etc. out of your main living space and out of your main line of vision. If this means throwing away half a shelf then do it! A rule of thumb: if the object reminds you of your ex, discard it. I put most of my stuff in a box, which sits at the bottom of my wardrobe. I haven’t opened it and I rarely look at it but I like the idea that it is still there. One day, it will be chucked.

Seventhly, don’t try and get your old stuff back from them.

Now, unless it is some diamond ring worth thousands upon thousands of pounds or is something which is one-of-a-kind, you are better off without it. If you try and get it back you will just regret it. Just let them go… psychologically it works dividends. At the end of the day, don’t place your dignity up for grabs over some menial belongings.

Eighthly, hang out with your friends.

I really can’t stress how important this point is! They will give you a reality check on how un-amazing your ex was to begin with. They’ll also pull out the line “there are plenty more fish in the sea” and they are right. It is important to remember that friends stay while partners come and go… therefore, your friends are your main support base – they will also have been in a similar situation and their words will be priceless!

Penultimately, exercise your freedom.

Yes, that’s right, get back on the scene. You are now single! There is an entire world out there. There are things you can finally do which you couldn’t before because your ex said “no” or simply didn’t approve. Therefore, take this time to indulge in things that you couldn’t do and things that you’d like to do. It will give you an inner thrill. Get plastered, play video games, watch crappy TV, watch those movies, go out with those friends and so on. Do anything you want to do. Why not try boxing? I did, and it really works with the whole releasing anger and stress things.

Ultimately, remember the bad times.

Think of the times that they were rotten to you. Remember the times they made you wait endlessly or made you cry or reminded you not to drink or not to do something you wanted. That should do it.

These things will help you get over your ex. They helped me and I find them all to be just as important as one another. One thing I would advise against is sleeping with another person as a means of getting over someone. You’ll know if this works for you by the kind of person you are. You are likely to feel crap after it so why bother going through that? It will only make things worse and make the healing process go on for longer. Now, that is not something to be happy about.

Good Luck with getting over your ex. It really isn’t that hard and you are strong enough to do it. Life does continue to move on and you’ll move with it.

That’s a good luck image by the way!